I don't understand what is wrong with me and why I feel the need to dwell on people who aren't in my life anymore. It doesn't happen with everyone.... I don't really care about James or Lewann or what not.

Lately, though, I keep having dreams about Josh. Not bad dreams, I would never leave Dustin for Josh and I don't regret not staying with Josh in a romantic sense. I made some bad decisions when it came to Josh but the one thing I know is that we did not make a good couple. However, for some reason I am still sad that we stopped being friends. He did a horrible thing by listening to Kim when she told him to stop being friends with me. Then again, I did a horrible thing by leaving him to go back to Rich (which lasted about 2 weeks before Rich screwed me over AGAIN). It's just screwed up. Josh made is crystal clear that not only does he not want to be my friend but he also pretty much hates me. I'm not entirely sure what I even did to make him feel like that. We were friends again and he forgave me for what I did. Whatever it is, he turned so cruel and so unlike the Josh that he used to be.

But I keep having dreams that he and I run into each other and make up. I wake up feeling sad that there is absolutely nothing I can do. I also feel mad at myself because I shouldn't want his friendship. And the only time I really think about him anymore is when I have one of these random dreams.

I don't want to be his friend. He treated me badly and he did it simply because Kim was being a bitch (she had absolutely no right whatsoever to think that I wanted Josh back, I know I didn't act like that because I never wanted him back). I wish I could just make these dreams go away because they tend to haunt me for the rest of the day after I've had them. It's just so frustrating!

Aside from that, life is life. We went to my cousin Mandy's wedding this past weekend and it was a lot of fun. My whole family loves Dustin, especially when he brought out his craziness. He definitely fits and that makes me so happy. We danced the night away and it was good. Plus I got my Vienna hot dogs and that's always a good thing, hehe.

This weekend I have THE ENTIRE WEEKEND OFF (this includes FRIDAY)! I'm doing a little shopping on Friday and pretty much just relaxing after having to deal with a semi stressful work week. Saturday I want to clean our place up a little bit and Nina and Rich are coming over (yay yay yay yay). We're going out to the bars and I'm so excited because it's going to be so much fun, I can just feel it! And Sunday most likely we'll all just be hungover!

As for work, we've got some good news. We're finally going to have a manager again. His name is Chris and he's worked at another store before, which is good because at least things won't totally fall apart the first few weeks when he tries to figure everything out. I'm still nervous because who knows how things will go back at least we're going to get on somewhat stable ground. I guess we'll see what happens.

AND. I bought my first bridle magazine yesterday, hehe. Actually Dustin bought it for me! It's fun to look through it and get ideas and it's fun.

Anyway, must get ready for work. More soon!!