Well it looks as if Puerto Rico is almost a definite thing. I didn't realize that I'll be getting back about $1000 in taxes so that'll pretty much cover the trip, food on the trip and taking the week off of work. I cannot believe that this is going to be a real thing. My first REAL vacation with Dustin... it'll be so fun and romantic and now I just have to wait 4 months, lol. That'll give me 4 months to work out though and I definitely need it.

I don't know why I feel so sick of my job lately. I don't know if it's because I've been working so much or what. I feel like there are all these dumb demands being made on me and I'm just really tired of it. We're pretty much being spied on at night because the bakery is being taken down early. It makes me mad because there are so many other things that are wrong with our store and yet the night people are the ones that are being punished. If anything gets done early so idiots from corporate will be waiting out in the parking lot to fire us. How ridiculous is that? Not to mention we have a two hour holiday meeting next week which is a waste of two hours. I'm just tired of all the stupid crap that goes on at the store. I guess this is really making me realize just how badly I NEED to go back to school because I certainly don't want this for the rest of my life.

I've been thinking a lot about dying lately. I wish I could figure out why because it's not exactly a good thing to be thinking about. It'll flash in my mind that yes, one day I am going to die. And that terrifies me. Maybe it's different once you get older and, I don't know, tired of life. But I cannot even comprehend not being around anymore. And what will happen to me once I do die. I mean, what if that's just IT and then I'm in the ground. How can that just be IT!?!?!?!? I have to think that there had to be some kind of afterlife but then again, if there's an afterlife then why is there this kind of life in the first place? Why can't we just always be in the afterlife? Or why can't we just live forever? What is the point? I know these are questions that can be supposedly answered in church but even then I wonder how they get all these answers and why it is that they so easily believe in them. I mean, it's not as if God came down and told us exactly what will happen. So how can anyone be so sure? And that is what scares me.

More soon.