I hate being disappointed. It's funny because I was watching a TV show today and someone said something about how if you didn't have expectations about people then you wouldn't get disappointed by them. I guess that sorta makes sense. But it's still hard when two people make plans with you and then they both cancel. Even if they have good reasons it doesn't make you feel any less bad. Especially when it's not like you have a million other people that you can call to fall back on. That's the problem with only having a small group of close friends: when you get screwed over it kind of takes away your world. Now I got to be bored today, I'll be bored Friday, and I'll be bored Saturday. Joyful.

So something good has happened in the last, oh, say 36 hours or so. Dustin and I had an honest to goodness discussion about moving in together. I bring it up a lot and I know I'm being awfully pushy but I guess that's kind of my way when I want something bad enough. He admitted he's scared to leave RF because that's ALWAYS been his home. I guess I can't relate because I've called Bartlett, Woodbury, Winona, RF and Maplewood my homes (and some I liked better than others). Then again, it's not like RF is that far away and it's not like he'll be banned from ever going back. And he needs to get away for at least a little while, experience someplace new. It sounds like if he finds a job soon enough we could be living together VERY soon. Otherwise I'll have to sit through a 6 month lease, which would kind a blow but I guess I'll have to survive.

I went shopping by myself tonight, since I was sad, had nothing better to do, and really feel like otherwise my roommates will start thinking I'm a boring loser. Bought a cute new top and a necklace and earrings to go with it. I'm trying to learn to accesorize even though generally I'm more comfortable not wearing a bunch of jewelry. So I guess I feel better, at the expense of $31 that I don't think I should have spent.

My trip with D to Illinois at the end of the month is pretty set and I'm excited. I'm a little scared to see my grandparents, what with my grandpa now having to deal with cancer (that's the 3rd of 4 grandparents, joyful) and my grandma being in so much pain. It's been good that I have Dustin to talk to because otherwise I think I'd explode. I try not to act like it bothers me because I don't want people to think I'm always about to cry. But I'm having a hard time dealing with the fact that my grandparents will probably not be around much longer. The two adults who have supported me the most in my life and they'll be gone. That makes me feel pretty lost.

Anyway, I'm tired, that happens when I cry more than once during the day. Time for sleep. Tomorrow I get my honey to cuddle with.

More soon.