You know, when I started "blogging" I found that I loved it so much that I gave up on my handwritten journaling. I type faster than I can hand write and I liked the idea that others could read my words and comment on them, it made me feel less alone.

These days I'm finding that I am much more into my handwritten diary than I am into my blog. I am trying to blog more simply as a way to make sense of certain things that are going on around me but I don't find myself needing to write like I used to.

The thing that makes me so sad is that from around the end of high school to the beginning of my third year of college I don't have any written records. The entire point, to me, of keeping a journal was to be able to go back and remember the things that have happened to me. I've had quite a few blogs in that time and all of them have since been deleted. I have no record of the time that I spent with Rich when things were GOOD. I have no record of how I felt during my first year of college. I have no record of my first huge heartbreak, of moving back home for a year, of meeting Josh.... and that makes me incredibly sad!

It's been so fun rereading my old diaries and remembering that person and those times. But for about two years I have this big gaping hole that I can only fill with the half memories. What happens when I get older and those memories fade?

I know a lot of people don't keep diaries, they don't take pictures or videos or anything. Some people would rather forget than have to remember. I just don't know how you can stand that. It was really hard to go back and read about my breakup with Ben because I remember how raw that was.... but at least I can remember what first love was like when I go over those words from the girl that I used to be.

I do like blogging and I do like this blog. But it's just not the same in my mind.

More soon.