Well, the good news is that I am all moved into my new place. Yesterday and today have been a little crazy and now both my legs kill and my knee isn't doing too well; I'm having trouble just walking down the stairs! But I am ALL MOVED OUT of the hellhole and thank God to that!

I met one of my other roommates, Ashley, who seems pretty cool. It's been pretty quiet around here because both Brittni and Nikki are good for Christmas. But that's also kinda nice because I've been able to get my room almost all set up. So yay to that!

The bad news? Well, I went to read James' blog and his entry made me want to comment. James and I haven't spoken since I finally decided to speak my peace and he acted like I was being a bad friend, but I never assumed that because of all that our friendship was just O-V-E-R. However, I guess that's what James has decided because when I went to leave a comment about what he wrote I found that I am no longer a member on his blog.

You know what James? If you don't want to hear opinions then don't give any option for anyone to comment. You're damn right I don't agree with you because when you wrote that entry about how sad you are because you don't have a significant other I was annoyed. The fact that you act like your life is over simply because you're not part of a couple is stupid. I'm not going to sit around telling you it's fine to walk around moping about something like that. So fine James. We aren't friends anymore.

I'm taking a nap now... I haven't gotten any sleep the last few days so it's time to catch up.

More soon.

What a day.... I never assumed that today was going to be "one of those days" but it totally was. Let's see:

So I get to work and it's automatically crazy. Lexie was kinda pissy at Tracey and, well, she had every right to be. Tracey spent from about 11 to 2 on the phone rather than helping to put away the order like she was supposed to be doing. And it's not lke Lexie and I were just sitting around, it was steady during my entire shift, which seems busy when you're trying to get other stuff done. It just felt totally crazy.

Rich came in around 2:45. It was weird. But it wasn't. Does that make sense? I was busy, OF COURSE. So I didn't get much of a chance to say anything to him and maybe it was better that way because I'm pretty sure I would have stuttered and not made much sense. He looked good. And he smelled good. And for a second I kind of wanted to cry because it hit me in those few minutes how much I really miss him. But not in that "Man I miss having sex with him" or that butterfly feeling that that special someone gives you. I really miss.... just him. I've been thinking lately about what it would have been like if we had just been friends. Then again, maybe it took going through ALL OF THIS to realize everything. I don't know. I think I'd like to see what it's like to have Rich as my friend. I'm not exactly sure if he cares to talk to me much anymore or not but I know I'd like that. He didn't make a good boyfriend to me... (actually, he was a good boyfriend but not for me at that point in my life and not the way I wanted a boyfriend to be at the time) and it wasn't his fault and it wasn't mine; we just were not meant to end up together. Wow, how long has it taken me to admit that? And I know I've been sitting around saying that I'm owed an apology and that I am so angry with him and all that. But.... what's the point of life if you don't eventually realize that it's too damn short and sitting around waiting for an apology is a waste of some very good time.

Um.

I think I'm really sad right now. Today was my last day working with Lexie and that makes me super bummed because she's my favorite person at Caribou. I mean, I love almost everyone I work with but she made it super fun and she's someone I think I could actually be friends with outside of work. So that makes me sad. Then there's Rich, which makes me sad because I'm angry for wasting these past.... whatever..... being mad at him. And I'm sad because I have to move out of my nice apartment all because that BITCH has to be a, well, bitch. And I'm sad because I got totally ditched for football and beer and the quickie beforehand seriously didn't help because now I want more, lol.

I'll be better. It's just been awhile since I've sat by myself and had a really good cry. So I'm going to go do that now. And then I'm going to finish packing up my life AGAIN.

More soon.

Oh, by the way. So I begged and pleaded to have Dustin stay here tonight just because I wanted to be cuddled and he SO did not want to have to drive all the way back here so I made a little deal. I'd stop begging if he gets a haircut while I'm gone for Christmas. Ha! Who's the queen? That'd be me.

Well, Sunny is gone. Yesterday a woman and her five year old daughter came to meet Sunny and I really liked them... so now they're Sunny's new family. It sucks so much, I didn't think I would miss her so much but it was so weird getting up in the middle of the night and not have her play "attack cat" or to come home after work and not have her run up to greet me. It was one thing when I had to give away Kizzy an Pippy, it was like getting rid of a child with Sunny. But at least I know she's with good people.

I seriously HATE Kassi for screwing my life up like this. I don't walk around hating people generally but that girl has fucked up so many things in my life. My folks are having to fork over major money to get me out of this situation, I've had to call the police multiple times which is SO embarrassing, I had to give up my pet, I'm having to move AGAIN after three months, my relationship with my boyfriend had been strained..... all because Kassi think that she should ALWAYS get her way, she thinks she deserves EVERYTHING, she thinks she can be a total bitch and get away with it. I'm done with her once I move out, I better never hear that bitch's name again. But I pray to God karma kicks her in the ass because people like that do not deserve to just get away with what they do. Something or someone needs to teach her a lesson about being a good, selfless person.

Anyway. I just had to say that. I have a lot of anger built up over her and I'm sure it'll take me awhile to get that anger all out of my system.

I was supposed to see Rich today. He was going to come into Caribou to pick up a Microsoft Office CD that I had of his. I borrowed it when we were still talking, then we stopped talking and I wasn't planning on being nice enough to give it back to him. But eh.... after living with Pyscho Bitch I realize that I need to stop being so petty about stuff like this. Anyway, so Rich was going to come in and pick it up at the 'Bou but he ended up not being able to. And I was SO nervous. I mean, I haven't seen him or even spoken to him on the phone since May and I don't know what it will be like seeing him again. Part of me really wants to say, "Hey, let's just be friends!" But part of me cannot let go of the way that he hurt me.... his words hurt me SO bad. It hurts that he told me more than once that he wouldn't walk out of my life and then he did just that. It hurts that he claimed to care about me but then sat on the phone using such hurtful words. I just don't know if I can let go of that, especially since he hasn't even apologized. He has admitted that he knew he hurt me.... but I NEED that apology and I need him to say, "Krysten I am sorry for doing this..." and then to tell me exactly what he's sorry for so that I know he knows what he did. Maybe that sounds childish but that is what I need to be able to forgive him. I do want to forgive him. But it's not just as easy as me saying the words.

ANYWAY.

I don't know if I mentioned this but I found a new place to live, a townhouse in Maplewood with three female roommates. It's SUPER nice and I'm really excited to move in. Dustin and I went out there the other day so I could pick up my keys and I'm going to start moving my stuff over on Tuesday. Thank GOD I will finally be getting out of here.

Okay.... comp's gonna shut off. More soon!

You know, when I started "blogging" I found that I loved it so much that I gave up on my handwritten journaling. I type faster than I can hand write and I liked the idea that others could read my words and comment on them, it made me feel less alone.

These days I'm finding that I am much more into my handwritten diary than I am into my blog. I am trying to blog more simply as a way to make sense of certain things that are going on around me but I don't find myself needing to write like I used to.

The thing that makes me so sad is that from around the end of high school to the beginning of my third year of college I don't have any written records. The entire point, to me, of keeping a journal was to be able to go back and remember the things that have happened to me. I've had quite a few blogs in that time and all of them have since been deleted. I have no record of the time that I spent with Rich when things were GOOD. I have no record of how I felt during my first year of college. I have no record of my first huge heartbreak, of moving back home for a year, of meeting Josh.... and that makes me incredibly sad!

It's been so fun rereading my old diaries and remembering that person and those times. But for about two years I have this big gaping hole that I can only fill with the half memories. What happens when I get older and those memories fade?

I know a lot of people don't keep diaries, they don't take pictures or videos or anything. Some people would rather forget than have to remember. I just don't know how you can stand that. It was really hard to go back and read about my breakup with Ben because I remember how raw that was.... but at least I can remember what first love was like when I go over those words from the girl that I used to be.

I do like blogging and I do like this blog. But it's just not the same in my mind.

More soon.

What do you do when your boyfriend's best friend doesn't like you?

I've never much had to worry about this issue because I've never really dated anyone long enough for it to really matter. A couple of Ben's friends met me once but I think that fact that I had the hugest boobs ever made them like me. And it didn't change the fact that his mother hated me.

After that there was Bjorn, Adam, John, and Tom and I wasn't with any of them long enough to even really get to know them, let alone meet their friends.

Then there was Rich. Adam Momsen already knew me and for the entire time we were dating I thought that was a good selling point. Till I found out much later that Adam told Rich not to date me. But I suppose this is where the term "ignorance is bliss" comes into play. The only other friend of Rich's I met, if I can remember, while we were dating was Paul, who is pretty much the gay male version of me so of course we're madly in love with each other. When Rich and I broke up it pretty much ended up with his friends, aside from Paul, not liking me very much. And it sucked but that's not nearly as bad as when your current boyfriend's best friend doesn't like you.

I met a few of Josh's friends but A) I didn't mean them long enough to make an opinion and B) I listened to their band's music so I was A-OK to them.

So then there's Dustin. I always assumed his friends liked me because I've gone out to the bars with them, I've been at parties with them, I've been in the house when Dustin wasn't even home. Bubba and I have always been nice to each other and while it sometime drove me nuts that Dustin would rather go down and have a smoke and a beer with Bubba rather than stay in bed and cuddle with me for an extra house, I dealt.

Then yesterday happens. Dustin is the type of boyfriend to do exactly what he says he's going to do, sometimes even earlier than he said he would. He doesn't do this because he's whipped, at least not in my opinion, but because he's a good guy that cares about that kind of stuff. So when he tells me he'll call me when he wakes up and his waking up time comes and goes, I got worried. I called at 1 and no answer so I figured he must have slept in and I left a message. At two I called again but no answer and I left no message. At three I started to get worried so I left a message telling him to please call me so I wouldn't worry. At four I started to get scared. Dustin's at his dad's right now so I figured that if his phone wasn't working he'd call from his dad's. So I called him again and left a message telling him I was scared and could he please call me back. I thought maybe he was mad at me for something and I didn't know but in my head my main thoughts circled around him being hurt.

So then I text Bubba, Dustin's best friend. I figured if he was hurt Bubba could tell me or at least let me know that they got home safe from the bars the night before. So I sent Bubba this text:

Do you know where Dustin is? He was supposed to call me and never did and won't return my calls.

After I sent it I sort of realized I sounded like a girlfriend trying to keep tabs, which I wasn't. So I sent him another message:

Look if he's mad at me or something fine, I'll deal with that but I just want to know that he's okay.

Bubba never texted me back and I assumed he was at work and couldn't. I continued to worry.

Finally around 5:30 Dustin calls and explained that his phone wasn't working and he didn't think to call from another phone because he didn't think I'd be worried. We talked and he got to work and I was relieved and it was fine.

A little later Dustin took a smoke break and called me. As we were talking Bubba drove by. And I frankly don't care if he was drinking or what his problem was but I could hear him bitching about me and how he doesn't keep tabs on Dustin and isn't his dad. Dustin got back on the line with me and I confronted him about it and told him he needs to talk to Bubba because I wasn't trying to keep tabs and wasn't assuming he did either, I had just been worried and figured Dustin's best friend might have known something.

So after I got off the phone I sent Bubba this text:

You do not need to act like that. I just wanted to know I just wanted to know if you knew if D was okay. That doesn't mean that you have to act like a jerk. I thought you might know, I didn't realize I'm not allowed to ask you questions. I just won't speak to you, so sorry.

A second later he responded:

Good to hear psycho bitch. I'm not his dad... I don't keep tabs on him all the time.

I'm sorry but what the hell right does he have to talk that way? It's not like I called him and said, "Where the fuck is Dustin, is he fucking cheating on me, tell me what's going on???" I made it clear that I was just worried and hoped Bubba knew that D was okay.

Sooooo, I texted him back once more:

You have no right to act that way I was WORRIED and I thought you might have known if something was wrong. I've never done a fucking thing to you so stop treating me like shit.

I didn't hear back from him and I told Dustin what happened and that he needs to talk to Bubba because I do not deserve to get treated like that. It really hurts me, especially because I don't want Dustin to be in the middle of his best friend and girlfriend not liking each other. Bleh.

Okay... speaking of which I need to go wake D up.

Advice?

This is a survey I did at this time last year. My answers from last year are in parenthesis and italics.


"What For 2006

All answers pertain to the year 2006

What is your favorite tv show? Hmm.... Gilmore Girls, One Tree Hill (I'm addicted), Veronica Mars, The OC, Reunion, ER, Desperate Housewives, and Greys Anatomy
(I have to say I didn't start watching any new shows for 2004. I guess except Laguna Beach. A guilty pleasure, hehe)

What is your favorite movie? From this year... The 4th Harry Potter, Elizabethtown, and War of the Worlds
(My fav 2004 movie, huh? Harry Potter baby!)

What reality show couldn't you live without? Real World, most definitely, even though I missed the end of this season. Oh and I LOVE Extreme Makeover Home Edition, it makes me cry!
(The topper for me is always Real World)

What was your biggest accomplishment this year? Hmmm.... getting over Rich
(Being accepted to River Falls and adjusting so well to my new life in RF)

What is your biggest regret for this year? Thinking that Kassi was a real friend to me and not seeing her for who she really is until it was too late
(Continuing to go after Rich despite how horrible he's treated me. Breaking hearts because of him, letting my own heart break because of him.... living too much in the past and not enough in the present)

What one thing would you have done differently? Spent less time crying over Rich and more time cuddling up to Dustin
(Spent more time with my friends)

What was your best day? There were a few great days.... ValleyFair, the weekends at my parents' (I know, who would have guessed I'd like spending the weekend with my folks????), my birthday
(Hmm... probably the night Doug came to Woodbury. A few of us (I can't even remember who... Amber, James... was anyone else there) went to Target and bought glow sticks. We were so hyper that night and had so much fun. I definitely need more fun, silly nights and days like that)

What was the most memorable book you read this year? Hmmm.... I reread some greats. I really like In Her Shoes. And, of course, the 6th Harry Potter
(DaVinci Code. That or We Need To Talk About Kevin)

What didn't you get to do this year, that you wish you could have? Hmmm.... I don't know, actually. It was a pretty good year for doing the things I wanted to do
(I really wish I would have done more than just work and my photography class this summer. I wanted to go to ValleyFair and to the cabin more... maybe get a tan!)

What is the biggest change in you or your life over the past year? Getting over Rich was HUGE for me, as was finding such a great love in Dustin. I lost someone I thought was a friend and realized that some people don't have good in them no matter how deep down you dig. I found out that I need to do things that make ME happy even if it means disappointing others and going against the norm.
(I think I've learned a lot. I now think I know what I REALLY want in a man and I learned how to not take my friends for granted. I'm learning how to live on my own and deal with everything. I'm learning to be happy.)

I Hope For 2006

Hmm.... what do I hope for 2006. I hope I can mend some broken relationships.... maybe not have them the way they used to be but morphing them into something healthier and happier. I really hope I can finally graduate and figure out what on earth on was to do workwise. I hope that Dustin and I continue on the path we're walking down and continue to love each other more and more every day. I hope my friends find every happiness that they deserve and I hope that come this time next year my Grandma's still around.
(I hope the new year will bring? I hope the new year will bring a lot more self discovery. I want to be able to spend a lot more time with my friends and to stop being so lazy when it comes to school. I want to work hard and save my money. I'd love to find someone to love and am hopeful that the person I really adore right now will be the one I love. I hope I can stay strong in the decisions I've made about Rich and with my diet, hehe.)

Fill in the blanks.

I hope? I will find so much happiness and goodness (I will be the happiest I've been)
I hope? That I will continue down the path of learning how to trust, to love, and to make good decisions (I become even closer with my wonderful friends)
I hope? I can learn to live for the moment (I can learn to trust and love)
I hope? I can start writing again (I can start writing again)
I hope? I can enjoy being young while I am young (I can learn to stop living so much in the past)
I hope? Life can slow down A LOT (Life can slow down a little)

Just another one of my little updates while I'm waiting for my laundry to get done.

The semester is almost over, YAY! I've got a little studying to do and then finals this week but then FREEDOM! Thank God because I was starting to feel totally worn down. Sometimes I wonder why I'm even bothering aside from the fact that having a degree makes me feel like I have a safety net. I dunno. I just want to be done with school, I'm so sick of it. That sounds super lame, maybe I've just got the "I wish to hell I could start winter break already" blues.

I'm checking out a few places tomorrow and *fingers crossed* I'll find somewhere to live so I can get the hell away from Psycho Bitch. She got all mad because I set a trap and caught her going through my stuff so she threatened to get Dustin thrown out and broke something of mine. I swear to God the girl thinks she can get away with anything. Um, by the way Psycho Bitch, no one thinks you're sane and you can't just act like this and not have anything bad happen to you. Dumbass.

Sorry. She makes me want to hit her upside the head with a frying pan.

Work's good. Our paychecks are stuck on a grounded flight in Chicago so I'm a little ticked but, eh, maybe that will keep me from spending what little money I have.

D's good. We're exchanging presents NEXT SATURDAY and I am SUPER excited to see what he got me and EVEN MORE SUPER EXCITED to give him his presents! I really hope he likes the one present... I'm a little nervous about it. We shall see.

New Year's Eve at Shannon's BITCHES! I better see all the cool people there.... and if you aren't there then I guess you really aren't that cool. Sucks to be you.

My grandma's in the hospital. Please take a few minutes to say a prayer for her, I know I'm not into the whole church thing but I do believe that prayer helps and right now she needs lots of help because she's really not doing well. I'm not ready to give her up, she's still got way too much to teach me.

Studying all weekend. Bleh.

Does anyone else think Orlando Bloom is super fine. Yeah. He is.

Okay, that's enough. Time to fold the laundry!

More soon.

Long story short because I have to go finish getting ready for milk and Sundae keeps trying to stick her paw in my cereal....

Psycho Bitch got us kicked out of the apartment.... which is kind of a good thing expect that now I have till the end of December to find a new place to live and my dad has to fork out A LOT of money. What happened? Came home from classes one day last week to find a lipstick scrawled message on my mirror saying "Stop stealing my stuff." Funny because she's the dumbass that steals my stuff! Wasn't going to say anything expect I turned around to find her standing behind me so I told her I found the note funny since she's a klepto. Of course she starts screaming because that's the only way she knows how to handle conflict. So I said somehting back and she proceeded to hit me and yank out some of my hair. I had to go into my room at call 911. Police came, lectured us both (I love getting blamed, it feels like I'm living at home again), the apartment management got wind of it and now we're being kicked out. Hey, at least I don't have to live with Psycho Bitch anymore.

D and I are doing great.... I don't even know what else to say, there's no drama and it's just us and it's good.

Christmas shopping is ALMOST done! I have to get my brother's gift and then one more thing for my grandparents and I AM DONE! And it's only the beginning of December, how awesome is that???

So I re-read all my old diaries from 9th grade to the summer before college. Wow. First off, who the hell was I????? I don't even remember being that girl!!!!!!!!!!!!! Second... was I nuts senior year or what? I was so depressed over Ben and then started in with these random guys and.... wow. I can't really blame myself, I had no idea and at least I learned from the situation. But it made me really sad. And those years also make me miss the good ol' days when I got to see my friends almost every day and when school was actually sorta easy! What happened to that life??

Anyway.... must go finish getting ready for work. More soon!