Hmm.

I definitely do not write as much as I used to. Part of the problem is that my comp BLOWS and will only stay on for about 15 minutes. Yeah, it's fun.

I've been thinking about ex's A LOT lately... mostly because they're kind of just popping up. Rich and I have talked a tad online. The past of me that's forgiving just kind of wants to let my hate go and, well, forgive him. However, when we've talked to still get the feeling that he doesn't see that he's done anything wrong or that he even cares. Not to say that I don't appreciate imperfection but he can be a very cruel person and that makes me sad. Then there's Ben... last week I was reading my old diary from junior year of HS and all about my whirlwind romance with Ben. It made me really sad, actually, and I was dwelling on it for a couple of days afterwards. I think I just miss being that naive and innocent. I'm not like that at all anymore. And Josh. He called the other night. I've come to realize I never really cared for him as a boyfriend but I adore him as a friend.

All this thinking is making me love Dustin even more. I made A LOT of dating mistakes but Dustin makes up for all of them. Even if he does drive me nuts sometimes.

There is SO MUCH happening and FAST. Next week is the last week of classes and then it's finals. Then there's Christmas, then New Years, and then D and I go up to Hayward for a few days. I am SUPER psyched for the New Years party Shan and I are having, it will be THE PLACE to be.

Okay... boredom. More soon.

It's kinda sad the way things go so bad in three years......

Holy man it has been FOREVER since I posted an entry. I guess I've been a little busy/a little trying to avoid my apartment because my roommate is a psycho/and a little just not wanting to write.

At this point I don't even have that much to say. Life is the same ol'. Okay, wait.... maybe not so much. I'll do this is sections since I'm a neat freak....

Boyfriend
Things with Dustin are good. Today is our 4 month anniversary!! Yay to us! I don't know, we've just kind of settled into us and there's really not much else to say. He moved back home a few weeks ago which kinda sucks but it's good for him because he can save some money up and hopefully he'll only be there a few months. It's odd... in my head I guess I expected that if things got to the point in the relationships where everything was just comfy that means that the relationship is boring and needs some drama. Maybe that's a big reason behind my past failed relationships. And it's taken me awhile to get settled with Dustin but suddenly everything just feels good and comfortable and bright and shiny. Still.... sometimes I think to myself, "Oh my God Dustin's my BOYFRIEND!!!!" I wonder if I'll ever get over that, lol. Like, I'll be walking with him in the mall or something and I just want to tell everyone, "I am the luckiest girl ever in the world because he's my boyfriend and he loves me." *sigh*

Friends
Well.... with most of my friends things are good. Shannon and I hang out about once a week and Amber and I call each other when we can. Lewann celebrated her 21st last week so Dustin and I chilled at her place for awhile. Things with James... I dunno. I'm pretty hurt because he's basically said that I'm not a good friend to him and I feel like he has no right to say that. He seems to get mad at me about things but then just expects me to read his mind. I dunno. I miss him but I'm not about to apologize either.

Roommate
Kassi is pretty much the biggest bitch I have ever met. She's a pig, she thinks she can make up rules and not follow them, she's a liar and a loudmouth and now I understand why she doesn't have friends, why guys only want her for a fuck buddy, and why her family doesn't like her very much. Last year she lied to me about losing her baby... truth is she gave birth just fine and then gave it up for adoption because she's too selfish to deal with her own mistakes. She moves my stuff without asking but then FLIPS OUT on me if I so much as accidently brush up against anything of hers. She calls me a space pig but she's the one that takes up all the space in the fridge and leaves her crap everywhere. I have never met someone so unworthy of breathing. I've never met someone that I've hated as much as her.

Rich
Yeah you were wondering when his name would come up again, weren't you? I should mention that I talked to him online one night. Sounds like things are good, which I'm happy for. It truly makes me sad what happened between us and I wish things wouldn't have happened the way they did. He's been on my mind lately.... not because I want him back or anything silly like that. I just wish we could be friends. I keep going around and around in my head how much I absolutely hate what happened with us and how I wish we could have stopped things on better terms. Hmm. Yeah, I'd like to have Rich as a friend. Not that I can finally same I'm over him (lord that feels so good to see that in writing) I guess I'd like to see what it's like to just be his friend. Odd how that works, huh?

La de da
So yeah. What else can I say? I've still got Christmas shopping to do and that's stressing me out, my hair is at that weird in between stage and THAT'S stressing me out.... I bought my bridesmaid dress for Shan's wedding and I wish I could have it NOW because it's so pretty and I want to twirl in it, hehe. Harry Potter comes out FRIDAY and on Saturday night Shan, Ryan, D and I are double dating and going to see it which is SUPER exciting! I can't wait for Turkey day, I am so stuffing myself full of turkey and mashed potatoes. Oh, and I'm exercising which actually feels really good.

So that's all... I have to go take a test that I'm probably not going to do well on because I forgot about it and didn't study. So yeah. More soon people!