I've started to write a couple of times in here but ended up losing all inspiration. It's hard to write an entry when you know that the entire entry will be nothing but complains about things gone wrong.

Thing is, I feel really hassled right now. I have too much stuff on my plate and, frankly, I'm not all that hungry. Between moving, being hassled by my landlords, being hassled by my parents, having to get school work done, my computer not working right, gas prices going up, and my boss being a complete bitch it's SO HARD to stay positive. I try to keep in mind that by September 10th at least a few of my problems will disappear. That makes me feel a little better... but September 10th seems oh so very far away.

I have a little secret to share. I think I may quit Caribou. I know I was SO excited when I started working there but I'm really not that happy. A lot of this is because of the new boss, Tracey, who doesn't like me. But then I look around and I see other things I'm not happy with. Caribou Corporate is so stuffy and I sometimes feel like all the work I do is for nothing. I'm just not into it. So we'll see. I'd really love to bitch Tracey out for being such a stuck up bitch. She'd definitely deserve it. It's not that I want to be mean but seriously, she reminds me of every girl that I couldn't stand in high school.

Things with Dustin could not be better and I am very grateful for that. He's letting me keep all my stuff at his place, which he definitely doesn't need to do, and I know it can't be very easy to be my boyfriend right now when I'm being so negative and snappy. I'm incredibly lucky.

The sad thing is, though, sometimes I feel this great want to call Rich. Not because I miss him or really care to hear anything he has to say. I want to scream so loudly at him! It's like every day of my relationship with Dustin makes me realize how poorly Rich treated me and makes me want to hit him and hurt him the way he did for 2 and a half years. I didn't deserve the way that he treated me and he deserves to hear that. It's hard for me to not be angry and to just let go of it because I feel like so much of my time was just WASTED and I missed out on SO MUCH. I don't know, it's as if I don't have much closure. I feel perfectly fine around Dustin, it doesn't seem to be hurting our relationship. But it is something that is in my mind and I wish I could figure out what to do to get rid of it.

Okay... class is starting so I suppose it's time to pay attention. More soon!

Wow, what a stressful day. Today was my first day of classes back at Century. I really love Century and I'm happy to be back. I don't know what this country's deal is with 4 year colleges but of the three colleges I've been to I definitely like Century best.

My Tuesdays and Thursdays are pretty long. I'm in classes from 9:30 to 3:30 with a half hour break from 12:15 to 12:45. I start with intro to business (most of which I've already learned in my marketing classes at RF), then professional development (which should be interesting and I get to do volunteer work which is always rewarding), then intro to computer applications (which is lame because we go over MS Word, Powerpoint, Excel, and Access and the only one I don't know is Access), and finally interpersonal communications (which is a dummy course for almost everyone even if they didn't take it in HS, which I did). Then on Wednesday nights from 6 to 9 I have supervision. I haven't been to it yet, my first will be tomorrow night, so I'm not really sure what supervision is yet. It's a marketing class. Hmm. The nice thing is I've got 4 day weekends... although I guess I don't since I work. But... okay, so I could technically have a 4 day weekend if I felt like taking off work. Yeah, that's it.

To add to my stress today my landlords are being completely ridiculous. They're mad at me because I'm not moving out until the 31st even though I'm paid up until the 31st. They're mad because that means Ellyn can't move in till probably the 2nd or 3rd but how is that my fault? Ellyn doesn't even care if the carpets are shampooed or not so really it's the landlords being picky. Not to mention that because I didn't return ONE phone call (which I assumed that I didn't need to return) they tried to hunt me down and when they couldn't they came to the apartment and entered it without any permission. They even went into my room. I know it's not like they snooped or anything but the fact of the matter is that they broke the law. And after I pretty much got bitched out for not moving out earlier that kind of pisses me off. God it makes me so anxious to get the hell out of here and away from landlords who think they can do whatever the hell they want.

To add to all THAT, Dustin asked Perkins to save boxes for me but when he went to pick them up he found that they'd thrown them out. So he's going to try to get me some tonight but that equals an entire night of packing wasted and an uncertainty of how many more boxes I'll need. God, once more I say it, I can't wait till the 1oth when I'm all moved in.

I don't mean to complain but I feel like I'm under so much stress right now. I could really do with a good back massage or a day at a spa or something. I just want to be settled into my new place where they actually follow the law. I can't wait to be closer to work and school. I want to be moved and out.

The few shiny spots in my life are Dustin and my friends. I am so excited for Amber and Jono and the new life they're going to have together. I don't know anyone who deserves this happiness more than Amber. Gosh I just adore that girl. And now I'm so excited for Shan's wedding because she deserves just as much happiness. I'm so happy my friends have found great guys. I'm a little unsure about Elisa but I am hoping that I just haven't gotten a good impression of Tom. Hopefully Elisa and I can get together more and, in turn, I can get to know Tom. And D.... my wonderful Dustin. Could it be that I have FINALLY found my prince. Sometimes I worry because I thought the same thing of Rich. Then again, if Dustin and I can come together after everything that has happened in the past year then I think that says a lot about what we can survive together. I think this last year has made us stronger as friends and as a couple. Yesterday I got my pictures back from Amber's bachelorette party, a few from my weekend with D at my parents', and Amber's wedding. And there's this picture of D when we were up north that is just SO cute. I put it in a frame yesterday and then just kept glancing at it and smiling. God I love him!

Okay... time for food. More soon!

Well. So that's that. Amber and Jono are now officially married... she's now Mrs. Amber Anne WALDO. How weird is that? Okay... actually, in a way it's not really that weird at all. I mean, they've been together for 3 and a half years. And they're definitely made for each other; I've said it before and I'll say it again, there is no couple better suited for each other than Amber and Jono.

But on the other hand... it's so odd to think of them as MARRIED. I mean, this is Amber and Jono living together and growing together, having a family together. It's so weird to think of all that when I look back and remember Amber as the girl that I spent all of junior high and high school with. Are we really to that age in which we're getting married? I don't feel old enough.

The wedding was really good. I'm so proud of myself, I only cried a little bit! Then again, the entire drive home every time I though about it tears would spring to my eyes. Amber was absolutely BEAUTIFUL, her dress was so perfect. And Jono... well, he was Jono, lol. It was the typical church wedding and an interesting reception. The best part was definitely running out and decorating Amber's car, lol. And seeing her face when she walked out.

Afterwards the younger crowd went out BOWLING. It was HYSTERICAL, especially Amber in her dress. We had fun, had some drinks, goofed around. All in all a great wedding. Congrats Amber and Jono.... I have no doubt the two of you will be so absolutely happy building your life together.

Um. Other stuff going on but more about that later. Goodnight all.

Well it has been exactly 20 days since I said goodbye and... I'm back. I don't think I'll be writing in here nearly as much as I used to, especially in the days to come simply because I'm way too busy. But I'll be around.

Where shall I start? I suppose I better start with my favorite subject.

Dustin and I are doing well. We have our fights, such as his smoking for procrastination and my nagging about everything. But we get through it and other than the little spats things are just... great. I've never been with someone who makes me feel so loved, so joyful, so childlike... so happy. Just the way he comes up and kisses me or when he finds every way in the world just to touch me or.... well, like last night. Last night we got Steve's Pizza. And I LOVE Steve's but they cut in into squares so that there are middle pieces that don't have the edge crust to hold onto. I'm not a fan of the middle pieces because the crust is my favorite part of the pizza. D knows this.... so he'll purposefully leave me extra crust pieces and eat the middle pieces. I don't know why I find this so wonderful, it's so simple, but I couldn't help but think just how nice that is. It just makes me happy! Or being at the bar and he still puts his arms around me and kisses me. I love it. I am SO IN LOVE. I truly adore him.

Moving is... interesting. My apartment looks like it exploded right now. I'm trying to pack but it's SO hard, especially when I know I'll have to spend 8 days living at Kassi's. So basically I'm going to have some of my stuff at Dustin's, some at Doug's, and most of it at Kassi's. It's going to be nuts. I am definitely looking forward to September 10th when my stuff will be moved in and I can start "nesting." I'm definitely a nester, I'll probably have my room all set up in a day, lol. I am really excited to be moving in with Kas, once we got over a few things everything else have been great. I don't know whether or not I've mentioned this but we're moving to WOODBURY. I'm really excited to be back in town and our apartment is so great. It'll be an awesome new start, I'm sure.

Sundae is driving me NUTS. She does things just because she knows it annoys me, meows like crazy, spills her food everywhere... and yet I love her. It's great to come home and have her come running up to the door and I love when I pick her up and she's just purring like mad. I can't wait till she's declawed so I can let her sleep in my room again.

Work is going okay. I was having some troubles because the mornings were really starting to kill me. Tricia seriously didn't understand that I was still driving from RF and that it SUCKS to put someone on open 3 or 4 days in a row. By the last day I just wanted to die. We got a new store manager, though, Tracey and... she's got her good and bad points. She's a really big whiner and that's REALLY obnoxious. But she seems nice enough AND she got me working some closing shifts and not all mornings which is GREAT. I'm definitely going to be stressed the next few weeks when I'm having to drive from RF to school AND work. But at least it's only for a few weeks.

AMBER IS GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! I cannot believe that my best friend in the entire world will be married by the end of tomorrow night. It's just... weird. It's weird to think that we're all getting to that age now. It's weird to imagine Amber, who I've been friends with for nearly 9 years, will be MARRIED. The same girl who called up the grocery store to tell them to save the lobsters, who played sardines in Target, who I spent an entire summer being broke with. Part of me is kind of sad because everything is changing and I'm kind of scared of change. But most of me is so happy for Amber and so excited about all these changes that are taking place. Wow. It makes everything seem so much more adult.

So that's my life in a nutshell for right now. I'm kind of busy today so I suppose I should get to it. More soon, I promise!

So I'm sitting here with hair dye in my hair FINALLY. My roots are looking ICKY lately and I can't wait to be rid of them!!

I know I don't write that much anymore. Sometimes I wonder exactly what there is to write about. I mean, there are things going on such as moving and weddings and what not. But... I just don't feel in the mood to write about them anymore.

I think I might take a break from the blog for awhile. I'm sure I'll be back but I don't want to have to force myself to write. So for now I'm going to say au revoir... and I promise I'll be back eventually.

Until then.

Confidence.

What is confidence?

I have no idea. Sometimes I feel like I have absolutely no confidence whatsoever. And others can tell. It kind of sucks because sometimes you feel like in order to have confidence you need certain things: a significant other, certain kinds of friends, money, a certain job... I know sometimes I forget that what you need FIRST is confidence and then everything else will kind of fall into place.

I don't claim to have all the confidence in the world. I know I do certain things well, I know I try the best I can. I feel like I'm a good friend and I'm learning to be a good girlfriend. I do the best I can with each day that I'm given. Some days are worse than others: today Dustin and I got into a fight and it really took a lot out of me, makes me wonder about our future. Some days are great, like Amber's bachelorette party on Saturday.

What drives me nuts are people that sit there and say, "Oh boo-hoo, look at me I am such a victim, people pick on me because I'm this way and no one likes me because I'm like this and I have no friends and blah blah blah." God. You want to know the reason why people don't talk to you? You want to know the reason you spend your free time alone? Because seriously, here's the hard truth, people do not want to be around someone who constantly has something up their ass. Yeah, the world can be kind of fucked up. But no one wants someone around who picks out EVERY SINGLE NEGATIVE THING THAT THERE IS IN THE WORLD. Go look at a beautiful sunset, go have drinks with friends, curl up with someone you care for.... but quit bitching and moaning and complaining. Yeah, there are snobs in this world and yeah not everyone thinks the way you do and yeah, I'm just as sick of that damn Republican in office and I can't stand SUV's. But seriously. If you spend your entire life complaining you're going to be lying there on your death bed wondering where the fuck your life went. It's too short! Go be silly with your friends, live it up, cherish those quiet times and don't be so harsh. When you sit and point the finger at someone, it's true, three more point right back at you. You aren't perfect and neither am I.... quiet pretending to be. It gets old really quick.

*sigh*

When you sit and say, "That girl will never like me, she's too pretty/smart/out of my league... whatever" you pass up the chance of meeting someone wonderful. When you say, "My friends never call me" maybe you should be saying, "Hmm, maybe I should give one of my friends a call today." Quit bashing the bar because it doesn't make a certain drink perfectly. Quit looking down on people, walking around acting superior puts people off. God have fun, be happy and silly, enjoy yourself.

Yeah.

Anyway.

*takes a leap off the soapbox*

Yeah, D and I did have a fight today. It was about smoking and then about Dustin bringing up something that made me feel bad... and it sucked. I absolutely HATE fighting with Dustin, absolutely hate it. And I truly do not want to make him feel like I have all these things about him that I don't like and want to change. I love him. He's goofy and sweet and intelligent... he tickles me and makes fun of me and farts around me. He's not Mr. Perfect and, frankly, I've never ever been on the lookout for Mr. Perfect. That's damn boring. And yeah, we've fought about certain things. I think he now understands my need to be alone with him sometimes and he showed me he understands by telling Bryan we were going to have alone time the other night. That meant SO MUCH to me. And I have a problem telling him certain things because I'm very used to having to hold myself back and I know I need to learn that I can tell him things. But the thing that I am having a very hard time with is his smoking. He doesn't seem to think it's a big deal and he thinks I'm blowing everything out of proportion. To me it is a big deal. It grosses me out. I hate smokers. I don't like kissing them, I don't like inhaling their smoke.... and I promised my grandmother that I wouldn't get myself caught up with them. I can deal with it in a bar atmosphere although I really don't undertstand why people socially smoke. I don't know. I could go on and on and on about this and it's just going to get me upset. For now I will try to not say anything. Being that I'm an opinionated person, I doubt I'll let it go for very long. And I'm not sure how long Dustin and I can be together if he wants to continue to smoke, especially in the amount that he does right now.