Hmm, shall I really go into the Ex-Boyfriend Past? I suppose I could... I'm a little confused about my situation with Dustin right now so maybe I can help myself understand the way I'm thinking if I look back into the past a little. I guess it couldn't hurt. So here you go Mystery Commentor. My Ex Past....

Ben: Ben was my first boyfriend EVER and I really adored him. I was SUPER shy around guys when he and I started talking online and because of this he made a great first boyfriend because, lol, he was such a good teacher. Ben lived in Mankato while I was in the cities so the two months we were "together" we only saw each other three times. But wow, I just thought he was the cat's meow.

Looking back I have to say that the problems were that A) Ben's family wasn't that fond of me. B) We didn't have the same outlook on things that we probably should have had the same outlook on (politics, religion). C) Ben is so into sports and I just can't understand how anyone can make a sport the most important thing in life. D) Ben talked down to me when we got into college because he was supposedly at a better college than me and that, therefore, made him smarter.

Bjorn: I dated Bjorn simply as a rebound. I look back now and can't understand why I did it but at the time I was hurting and couldn't figure out how to stop the hurt. But dating Bjorn wasn't all bad. Somehow he cared about me no matter how misguided he was. We weren't even together that long, maybe a month or two, but he did genuinely care.

The problem was, I didn't have any feelings for him. It hurt me when I broke up with him simply because I knew I was hurting someone else and I never wanted to do that. I guess I STARTED to learn from Bjorn that you can't just date someone because you've been hurt. That doesn't fix things.

Adam: Adam was another rebound boyfriend. I had quite a few my senior year. I did like him but I don't think I ever would have loved him. I think maybe what I liked was that he got along with my friends and the way he asked me to prom was cute.

The problem is that Adam got along with my friends too well and after he broke up with me he formed a "team" against me with Crystal and Carissa. Our breakup hurt me (and yes, he broke up with me) because I think I might have ended up having feelings for him. Then again, I don't think I would have ever loved him. Live and learn.

John: I don't know what I was thinking with John. He was kind of cute and, at first, I thought he was a hopeless romantic which, I thought, was something I was looking for. It was nice to have someone call me every night, someone who wanted to be around me.

Thing is, John is the most controlling person I ever met. I didn't have a car that summer but John insisted that I break my parents rules and take one of their cars to come pick him up. He was constantly telling me I couldn't be friends with my guy friends anymore and he had a thing for making me feel stupid. I think the worst part was feeling as if I had to perform sexual favors for him because I was more experienced than him. He acted like I was corrupting him and I was such a bad girl for doing it. Out of all my exes, John made me feel worst about myself.

Tom: I have to say I did like Tom. He came from a good family and he was a sweet guy and at first things were good. We were together for all of 2 weeks and who knows what would have happened between us. But I did like him and I didn't date him for any other reason other than I thought he was a nice guy.

The problem with dating someone that you aren't friends with first is that you don't have that intimacy already set up. The problem with dating Tom is that we had nothing to go off of and so when he broke up with me I was hurt simply because... I thought I was hot and couldn't figure out why he didn't like me. When he came back later to try to establish a friendship it just didn't work because, hell, he'd already been past that.

Rich: I was so in love with Rich. I just thought he was the absolute world. But like I said with Tom, Rich and I didn't have an establish friendship first and, therefore, had not established trust. Rich came along at a time in my life when I felt like I had been so screwed by men that I just couldn't bring myself to trust Rich. But that didn't stop me from loving him. When things were good they were so good. I loved the safety I felt with Rich, I loved the way we connected, I loved the time we spent together and the talks we had and the normalcy that he gave me.

The problem is that I don't think Rich had much respect for me. And as things got more and more drawn out Rich and I both continued to lose respect for each other. I truly think it all goes back to the fact that we were not friends first. We didn't establish trust between each other and I really believe that it is that lack of trust that eventually tore us apart.

Josh: I adored Josh. Out of all my exes I think Josh and I were probably best suited for each other. Had Josh come along at a time when I was not trying to get over Rich I think that Josh and I could have been happy together. When I was with Josh he made my heart soar. He's funny and sweet and caring and gentle and so many things that I now find myself looking for in a GOOD boyfriend. Despite the fact that we jumped right into making out with each other I felt like we were friends too and we had that 100% trust with each other. And those two things are what made the relationship I had with Josh so good.

But I was rebounding. And Josh happened to be my victim. I still kick myself for the way I handled the situation and I think I will probably always wonder what if.


So Dustin. Why do I think he's so different? Well I'd like to think that I've learned a thing or two from this sorry line of men (and boys) that I call my ex-boyfriends.

I have this amazing friend Dustin who I adore more than almost anyone or anything in the whole wide world. He's adorable and funny and sweet and goofy and caring.... and I'm sure I could probably just go on and on. I have so much fun with him and I can be myself with him and I just can't get enough of being around him. Truly if I had my way I just hang out with Dustin all day and I think I'd probably be content. And he makes my heart fly.

The thing is, and maybe he and I should be having this talk, I have had my trust issues with him. And that sucks. But lately I find even that building. Dustin is the first man that I have ever met that I truly feel like I can be totally happy with and... just have that be that. I've spent a lot of time going after guys to fix pain in my heart and dating guys that treat me like I'm not good enough.

But here's Dustin. Who treats me like gold. Who trust and respect and adore... who is one of my best friends. That's why I think he's so different. I'm falling for one of my best friends. And maybe that's the way it really should be. You should trust and respect and care for the one that you want to be with. And I do. I got it right this time. That's why it's different.

And now I'm crying because I've had a hard night. And I'm getting tired of crying. So more soon.