It's been a few days since I last wrote, obviously. I can't believe I had anything to write about this past weekend because I didn't do anything! I would basically sleep till it was time to get ready for work and then go to work. Kinda boring, hopefully this isn't what I have to look forward to this summer!

Monday night Mom came over to stay for the night. It was nice, now that we don't live under the same roof I feel like we can almost be friends rather than the mother that's constantly having to tell the daughter what to do. We had a few drinks, which is still weird for me because despite how "grown up" I sometimes feel I still sometimes feel like the goody goody teenager. So we had a few drinks, ate pizza, watched some tv, and did a lot of talking. It was nice to be able to bounce some things off her that have been really bothering me. I wish I could tell her about EVERYTHING that's happened to me but... I'm still not ready for either of my parents to know some things. Maybe if I could she would be able to give me even better advice on some other things. But for now that's how it has to be. We had lots of fun, though, and I really enjoyed having her here. I wish Dad and I got along better so I could say the same when I see him.

Yesterday night Amber, Shannon and I got together for dinner and a movie. We went to Don Pablo's where we weren't going to spend a lot of money but... yeah, that didn't happen. I had tacos and a raspberry daiquiri and ended up spending almost $17. Yeesh! Crazy, for sure. Afterwards we went back to Shannon's to watch Finding Neverland. The problem is that it's really hard to watch a tearjerker when we're all giggling and being silly. It was fun, though. We definitely have to do more girly things together.

Finally I had to race home because Rich was waiting for me. I was going to have him just chill out at my place but Emalyn decided to come home. Okay. It's not that I dislike Emalyn. Up until a few weeks ago she's been a really good roommate. But I still feel very uncomfortable and unsure of what to say to her. And generally when I feel uncomfortable like this I want to just ignore the problem. I know I can't because I don't want to have to deal with this all the time. I don't want either of us to feel uncomfortable here. But right now I'm just trying to figure out what to do. Therefore I will most likely act completely bitchy about the entire situation.

Anyway. Rich. Why oh why oh why can't we just be nice to each other? When I see him things are good. But then... he says things like, "I want you to have your own life." I do have my own life. I have work and my friends and... well, usually school except it's summer so not school right now. But he's PART of my life, therefore I do get upset when I don't get to see him. And yeah, I do have feelings for him. What they are I don't know right now. I'm trying to figure all that out. But I hate when he acts like he thinks that I've made him my entire life. If that were true I would have called Shannon and Amber and told them to buzz off. I'd quit my job and sit outside his window. I would have told Dustin tonight that we couldn't hang out because I had to go see Star Wards with Rich, a movie that, sorry Rich, I'm not even that into. But, it is true, I have feelings for him and, on top of that, I want things to be good between us, so yeah, I do want to see him. And if I tend to plan those things out it's only because I'm a planner. I do it without thinking and EVERYONE knows that. I plan absolutely EVERYTHING. So yeah. Rich, you're great and I adore you but YOU need to quit thinking so much about things. I do have my own life. And you're part of it. So deal with it.

Um... I do want to talk to him. But last night I was so tired when I got home and Emalyn was home so I just didn't want to bother. We curled up, watched Leno. He wasn't even planning on staying here but ended up crashing. Rich, I'm sorry my bed is so small! If you remember at all, I'm not the one that picked it out, my parents went behind my back when I was dead on the couch after having my boobs cut off. Rich doesn't like my bed because he can't sprawl out and his arms fall asleep. Bleh, believe me, I want a new bed. It'll come soon. Hopefully.

Of course we had sex. What can I say, I love sex. When it's with someone you want it to be with, there is nothing better in the world. And believe me, I've made enough mistakes to know what bad sex and forced sex feels like. We kissed... and just kissed. I'd love to spend more time just kissing him. Sometimes I forget what just kissing someone feels like. How good it can feel. And we went slower last night. Maybe broke a record, lol. I just... have thinking to do. Some figuring out. It's going to make me antsy and maybe moody. All these feelings I have lately are just swirling all over the place. I need to catch them and figure them out.

So here I am. I'm working for a whopping 3 hours tonight. I don't know if I'll be able to handle it. Until then I'm going to eat lots of skittles. More soon!