Patience, they say, is a virtue. Well, if that's true then that's one virtue I do not have. I'm pushy, I'm impatient, I'm selfish... it all adds up to being not so good. I don't mean to be that way. When I was younger I didn't have a problem waiting my turn. Maybe that's the problem. I'm tired of waiting my turn.

I know I need to keep my cool and be chill. But it's REALLY hard when I have all these emotions churning inside me. I started to finally just spit it all out last night but... was stopped. It didn't feel good. This is a really dumb comparison but it's like you're having an orgasm and someone tells you to just stop right in the middle. How are you supposed to just STOP? I understand. You're busy. I get it, I really do. We all have our life stuff to deal with. And I'm really trying to be patient. But it's like I've been waiting years already. How do I keep waiting? It's hard. I wish you'd be more understanding. I know I need to be. How do we come to some kind of compromise? I'm tired of all this wasted time. My problem is I want to start making up for it RIGHT NOW. I'm not trying to cause any problems, I'm really not. We've had enough of those. I just want to make things right, finally. I just want you to understand that, okay?

It's frustrating. I know I've just got to wait. I just seem like a selfish bitch if I don't. Oh but it's hard when so many good things and realizations have hit me so hard.

Bleh.

I need to go.