I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh, every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought about anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same thing

Because of you
Because of you
Because of you I am afraid
Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you I am afraid
Because of you


Well I haven't written in awhile. I tried a couple of times yesterday but there just didn't seem to be much to say. I've been sick since Saturday night with what I found out was strep. I had to call into work Monday night which KILLED me because I missed out on tips. But it was nice to just stay at home and rest. I really needed it. I slept 12 hours Monday night. Today I'm feeling okay. My glands are still a little sore and my throat gets a little sore at night. I'm hoping by tomorrow I'll feel 100% better.

It's funny how much you let someone control your life when they're not even in your life anymore. Yesterday I bought Kelly Clarkson's new CD and the lyrics above are from a song called Because of You. When I heard the song I practically got shivers. For almost two years not I've let someone else control me. He haunted me and I was stupid enough to call him back into my life. I needed information but that information did nothing but wreck me more.

It is SO easy to blame someone else for your pain. Maybe that's how it started. He did hurt me. And it was his damn fault. But... I'm hurting myself by holding onto it. I have to just let go. He's not worth ruining my entire life over.

Um... so this week is the last full week of classes. Next week is finals and this is basically what my schedule looks like:

Monday
English Final at 7:45
Astronomy Final at 1:00

Tuesday
Stats Final at 10:15
Perkins 5 to Close

Wednesday
Org Comm Presentation at 1:00

Friday
Geology Final at 10:15
Bring Books Back After Final
Perkins 5 to 10


So... it won't be HORRIBLE. But I'm not exactly looking forward to it. I'm REALLY nervous about stats. Bleh, math. And I'm nervous about my org comm presentation, it's been awhile since I've given a speech. I do adore giving speeches but this one I'm pretty nervous about it because it's a speech on all this work that I've done for this project. So if I did the project wrong at all then my speech will be bad. Scary!

Eh... not too much else going on. I'm excited for Saturday and James' birthday. James, be prepared to be trashed.

Okay, gonna go for now. Later!