"You will learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will, you'll have your heart broken and you'll break other's hearts. You'll fight with your best friend, and you'll cry because you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely and love like you've never been hurt because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back..."


I had a BAD night last night. I have no idea what was wrong with me but it was not good. At work was when it started. I got cotton mouth and then a sore throat and a headache and just felt like shit. I hate asking to go home early but I just felt horrible. I came back home and quickly typed up my org. comm. paper and then was barely able to crawl into bed. I made Dustin bring me orange juice.

I've been thinking lately about how I treat people. I feel pretty bad about certain things. I have a really hard time trusting people and forgiving people. I hold things against people FOREVER. Dustin and I still get into fights about things that happened forever ago and it's just really stupid. I don't like being that way but when I get myself alone and I start thinking about things I get so paranoid. I know I keep setting myself up for bad things to happen and if I think more positively things will be so much better...

Rich and I had a talk the other night and I guess he's irritated with me for not telling him my feelings. I didn't mean to hold anything back but I'm not use to being that open with someone. I want Rich and me to have that kind of relationship because he's someone that I want to be able to talk about everything with and feel okay about that. I respect him and adore him so much and can't say enough about how happy I am that he's in my life. I just wish I could tell him that! I don't know what it is that holds me back when I'm with him. Sometimes he makes me feel like he doesn't want to hear what I have to say. I know that's assuming things and I shouldn't assume. For two years I've been scared to be the way that I want to with him and maybe that fear is the only thing actually keeping me away. And making me continually treat him badly.

I also know I should just forgive Jenny. I don't know what is making me be so stubborn about the situation. I just... I just don't even know what to say about it anymore. I keep trying to figure out what I should say to her and there just isn't anything.

There are a lot of things that are stressing me out right now, certain things I don't feel like sharing with the entire internet. Maybe one day. I've always believed that if you've had something bad happen to you that you should share it with others to help them stay away from that same trouble. And maybe one day I will. That day is just not now.

I have classes soon. So more later.