I wish I could figure out what my problem is. Last night I started to get a sore throat again and this morning I woke up at 5 AM with a totally stuffed up nose and a bad sore throat. My throat is feeling better and I can semi breathe through my nose... I really hate being sick. I know part of my problem is allergies and that kinda sucks because it's only going to get worse as I get older. Getting old kinda blows.... allergies, my period will get worse and more painful, gray hair... bleh to that. Lewann's right, we need to find the Fountain of Youth.

I got another e-mail from my childhood best friend Jenise. How crazy is that? About a month ago I happened to check my Yahoo mail just to make sure there wasn't anything important in there. I was lucky enough to find that Jenise had found me through one of my abandoned blogs and e-mailed me. It was crazy, we haven't talked in FOREVER but I have thought of her from time to time. It sounds like life is pretty good for her, she studied abroad in ITALY, which I am SO jealous about because I'd just like to take a small vacation there, let alone study abroad there. She's had her share of the "men suck" thing, which I'm sure most of us have gone through. It's just good to hear from her, good to reminisce about the old days.

I am still trying to figure out how to get myself to be more open, to get myself to trust and to stop acting the way that I do. I made a promise to myself back in January but it seems that when your feelings change your actions change too. How do you show someone how much you care, how much you enjoy being with them, that you're ready for something more, something more open, something more caring, something more trustful and respectful? How do you say to that person, "I am so sorry, it's only that you are so much of what I want that if I let go I worry I will somehow mess things up." I know, I know, I know that worrying about the negative is bad. I know. Believe me I realize that I need to stop with the negative thinking because it's bringing me down. But I know that's the reason I'm acting so stressed out with him is that I still wonder if I deserve something so good. Maybe HE doesn't see how great he is but I always have, even when I've been treating him in a way that isn't so great. Oh I want to let go, I want to let go SO BADLY and just trust and be positive and learn and love and feel good. I have spent so much time being negative and it so obviously is not working. But to walk myself into the unknown of positivity... can I do that?

Today is the last day of my hell week and then I can breathe a small sigh of relief, at least for the time being. In order to prepare for "hell week" I had to write my org. comm. paper, study for my stats test, read half of The Great Gatsby, and study for my geology test as well as TAKE my stats test and geology test. This morning I have the geology test and then all will be set for this week. Tomorrow Dustin and I are going to bum around Minneapolis just for the hell of it and that should be interesting. On Friday there's a bonfire at D's place but I don't think I'm going to go, I've had enough of the party life for the time being. Saturday I have the day off and Shannon's bridesmaid get together Saturday night. And Sunday I start SERVING! Scary thought, especially since I have yet to get black pants and a white button up shirt. I should probably get on that...

Well, it's time for a little last minute studying for geology. More soon!