So I haven't written in a couple of days and that's pretty much because I've been semi busy and sick (on multiple levels). Yesterday's sick was a mental health issue. Hmm... that makes me sound seriously disturbed and I suppose when I finally broke down at Rich's I was kind of wondering in the back of my head if maybe I am having really bad issues again.

I won't go into details. And I'm sure not many people reading can relate to a loss of memory. It's a SCARY thing. Someone tells you something that happened and it's as if they're telling you a story about someone else. You don't remember it happening to you even though you know it did. Well, what's even scarier is when the memory comes back to you, especially if it's a bad memory. It's like.... it's like you fell asleep too close to the ocean and the tide comes in and suddenly you get hit by a huge wave. Water all around you, no idea which way is up or down or left or right, feeling dark and scared and unable to do anything but go numb. Well, Thursday night as I was falling asleep that wave hit me fast and hard. It shatters your soul. It was late and I was scared.

Dustin came over. I'm so glad Dustin and I have mended our bridges because I am finding that he is becoming one of the friends that I really lean on. And I think I'm the same for him. He held me and got me giggling. I am thankful for him because he can get my mind off things and onto the stupidest, most immature stuff. He makes me laugh. He was wasted and acting so hysterical that I couldn't help but laugh. It was good.

On Friday I had to go to Rich's to pick up a computer program that I need for one of my classes. I was feeling pretty messed up again, not wanting to go home. And I can only act normal for so long. Holding things in is never a good idea because you hold them in so long and suddenly they explode into what can only be described, as it so beautifully was in Mean Girls, as "word vomit." I tried to pick this ridiculous fight with Rich which only resulted in annoying him. Part of my problem with not wanting to tell Rich about certain things is that I worry that he will see me as weak. And I hate appearing weak to ANYONE. But especially Rich. However, Rich is also usually the first person I want to run to so that he will hold me and wipe away my tears and tell me everything will be okay. So it's like this fight back and forth in my head over what to do. Which generally results in me making an ass of myself. Anyway... so I broke down and I told him what was going on, which I should have done in the first place. Because then he did hold me and he did wipe away my tears and then he got me to smile. It's not that I don't trust him because I wouldn't want to go to him if I didn't. Like I said, it's an issue with me of appearing weak.

I left Rich's and came back home. Got myself ready for work which I really wasn't looking forward to because I still felt really terrible. But I went to work and it was a GOOD night. I got a couple of rushes but I think I handled it really well. No majors screw ups, not a single bad table, and I made some really good tips. I worked really hard and managed to forget how screwed up I was feeling and just... actually kind of had fun. Now that's the way I wish EVERY night went!

After work Dustin and I went out to Johnnie's for a beer with Bert and Bubba. They played darts and I was "the cute girl with the big boobs." I swear to God, I just need to get these things hacked off so people will call me "the cute girl with the cute ass." Ha! After Johnnie's we went to Boomer's and ran into Sarah, who seemed like a nice enough girl. We had another beer and a shot and then decided to head to Denny's. Dustin had to go back to the house for his checkbook so I went with him and we were going to meet Bert, Bubba, and Sarah at Bert's. So we get to Bert's and SOMEONE (not me, even though Dustin will claim it was) locked Dustin's keys in his car. Sooooo Bubba had to drive Dustin back to the house to get his extra set of keys. Dustin drove back (Bubba decided to get some sleep because he had to work early) and finally it was onward to Denny's.

So.... I liked Sarah. She's a little... psychotic, lol. She's one of those "OH MY GOD" girls. I guess I'm one of those sometimes, too, and I'm kind of realizing how annoying that is. But she's okay. We wolfed down food and finally headed back to Bert's and then dropped off Sarah at her car.

Well, we get back to D's around 4:30ish. And Dustin's going off about how he can't stand Sarah. I guess she wants to get into his pants or something but she's kinda psycho so he's not having it (good boy). Well, D and I get into bed (yes we slept in the same bed, he has a queen sized bed and, what, I can sleep in the same bed with my friends and not do anything. I've learned my lesson) and we're being all giggly, like the 5 year old's that we are. Well, Sarah texts Dustin to ask if she can crash at his place because her roommate supposedly locked her out. So D thinks this is hysterical and texts her back saying, "That's cool, Krysten and I will probably be asleep when you get here." Well, the next thing we know Sarah shows up. She comes barging into D's room and claims that her phone died. Which means she didn't get his text and I'm sure it was a HUGE surprise to see me cuddled up in his bed with him, lol. So he gets her a blanket and she goes to crash on one of the couches in the other room. And Dustin just laughed his ass off. Fantastic, another girl that hates me. First D's ex, Alyssa, because I was his rebound after her. Then Leah, because she knows I've slept with D and it probably scared we'll go back to each other. Not that she has claim on him but she thinks he does. And now Sarah. Man, if I end up dead I'd go question those three.

And so here I am today. I slept till 1:30 and then D woke up me because he had to be at work at 2. I was feeling like SHIT but I'm starting to feel a tad better. Hopefully the night will be okay.

Alrighty, gotta go finish getting ready for work. We have a 28 top coming in at 7 so I'm sure it'll be total chaos. I better not have any part of that table! More soon!