Should it be hard to be friends with someone that is so into the guy that you used to be so into? I should think it would be more awkward than... well, than I guess I thought it would be. I assumed that Christina and I were cool. Dustin and I have a past, not one that I am particularly proud of. I slept with Dustin because... because he was new. Because he was sweet. Because I built him up to be this amazing, trustful, sweet person. I slept with him because it made Rich jealous. And I fell for Dustin a little. But he is turning into a person that I'm not even sure I want to be friends with. I slept with him because of so many things... that weren't true. So Christina can have him if he wants her. But Christina thinks I still want Dustin. It's kind of messed up. I guess I may look like I have something for him. I happen to like to hug people... or to jump on them or whatever. I'm just physically playful with my guy friends. To me it's never been a big deal. But Christina told me last night that it bugs her. It makes me feel bad because I didn't want to freak her out. But I'm over Dustin. He isn't the person I want. I finally figured that out.

It's funny the way the world works sometimes. It's funny how you realize how badly you acted to one person only to find out that that person deserved your very best. What if you just didn't trust someone because... because of nothing? The one person that really deserved it and you didn't give it to them just... because? So you pretty much screw up everything because you're too busy being self obsorbed as well as assuming that everyone is out to get you. Then... you're given this second chance. So do you take that second chance, make a fresh start? Or do you assume that it's not really a second chance, just some weird twist of Fate that will, as usual, end badly.

I've been trying to think more positively. And, for the most part, it's been working. But it's been a bad week and that's been wearing on me. Work was bad although today things got solved and I feel a lot better about that. There's all this shit going down with Leah. She's all pissed off because Christina and I were at Dustin's last night. Jealous much? I wasn't even planning on going, Amber was coming out here and we were just going to chill at my place. But then Christina told me I HAD to go and I haven't seen her for awhile so I figured why not. We sat around.... it was me, Amber, Dustin, Christina, Dustin's cousin Shawn, and Gabe. We drank, played ping pong.... Dustin's roommate's Bubba and Dave came home and that was fun. But the whole time Leah was texting me about what a bitch I am and texting Dustin all pissed that Christina and I were there. It's so stupid, the drama is so dumb. I'm going to figure out a way to block Leah's number from my phone because I just can't handle her stupid text messages anymore. I'm throwing all this drama away, it's so stupid.

I'm so sleepy. I think it's time for bed... for real. I start exercising tomorrow and I need to go grocery shopping. Tomorrow night is girls night. Yeah.

More soon.