Well, I work on Valentine's day. Um... big deal? Not really sure. I don't have a Valentine this year, my first time in a few years. I know I shouldn't complain and I know it's just a holiday made up by Hallmark. But... I want a Valentine, lol. I just want someone to curl up with on Monday night, someone that I care for.

It amazes me the lengths that some people go to on V-Day. Does it ever really need to be that big a deal? I guess for me Valentine's Day is just a day to show someone you care about them. And I know, I know... I can share my love with all my friends. And I do love my friends. But, like I said... I want someone to cuddle me. I'm just kind of sad. Funny thing is, in the last three V-Days only one really stands out as being any good. Senior year Bjorn sent me candy and a stuffed animal but we'd already broken up, so it was very bittersweet. And last year.... I'd just broken up with Josh but I went to his place anyway. He'd cooked me dinner and bought me this really pretty necklace that his grandma helped pick out. We had the house to ourselves and it could have been sweet had I not had another person in mind.

The only V-Day that has ever really been romantic was my freshman year of college. Rich came down to Winona with these beautiful roses that lasted FOREVER. I wasn't even expecting them and it was just sweet. We went to dinner at Green Mill and afterwards made love.... it was nice.
I know I shouldn't be sad. Everyone that's working Monday night is awesome and I know they'll help to keep me laughing. However... when 8 rolls around and I have to come home... I dunno.

I'm so ready to love someone. It's been awhile. I've done a lot of messing up in my relationships and I'm just ready to love someone and have them love me in return, to have that stable, sweet relationship that my girlfriends have and seem so happy to be in. I'm so sick of the drama. I just want someone that I can have dates with, someone to cuddle me at night, someone I can dress up with and someone I can sit around all day in my pjs with.

Anyway. I should stop harping.

Um... it was a long day. I'm tired. It's just hard,I think I have a case of the Mondays. Work was good... both Leah and Dustin were there and I thought it'd be uncomfortable but it isn't. Dustin is really weird... he acts like nothing happened. The thing is, the way he acted this weekend added to the way he's treated me since we became friends all leads to my lack of trust for him as well as the fact that we're never going to be as close as we could have been. I don't know how to make him understand that but it's so hard to work your way back to good with me once you've lost it. I just don't really give a damn about working that hard to fix things. I'm not sure he's worth it.

Oh.... so Coach Carter, the original, was in Perkins today. How freakin' weird is that?? It was just Leah and me working and it was pretty cool.

Uummmm... oh my gosh I'm so tired, this entry is sad, lol.

Oh, so I fell down today. I was walking to classes and since most of the snow had melted I walked through the grass instead of going all the way around. Well, when I stepped from the grass to the sidewalk I hit an icy spot and just went down. My knee hurts SO bad and I broke my CD player.

So yeah, that's about all. I really need sleep. Rich has called me the last couple of nights from work. I like it... I miss knowing he's there looking out for me and caring about me. It's like.... he's standing behind me and if I fall back he's there to catch me. It's just always been that way.

Wow.

Did I just say that?

I'm confused. About something. I'm sorry, this isn't going to make sense. But... I'm getting hit with something. Anyway... I will finish my thought. Rich has called the last few nights and his calls either wake me up or pull me out of just falling to sleep. I don't mind because it's Rich and I like to hear from him... like I said, it's comforting to know he's there. But when we hang up it's hard for me to get back to sleep, hence my needing to sleep. So yeah.

But I'm still.... wow. Sorry, something I wrote made me realize something. Yeah.

Time to go. More soon.