I am finally in my apartment for the night and boy am I tired! It was a very long day. Work today wasn't too bad. I have to say that when I quit there are certain people and situations I'll really miss. Like Sam was saying tonight, I doubt I'll ever find a workplace quite like Perkins. It's pretty unorganized and unprofessional. Definitely not the kind of place I want to stick around. But the goofing around times, the silly laughing times, and certain people... I'll miss that. The funny thing is, I feel like I'm about to leave high school all over again. I have that really bittersweet feeling. I have to say, though, that this whole situation seems to bringing Lewann and me closer. We had a talk tonight while she was on her break about boys and about the situation with Dustin and Leah. Leah is moving into a house with Lewann and some of Lewann's friends and Lewann is bothered because she doesn't want to have to deal with party Leah or the fact that Dustin, Loretta, and Christina will probably be over there all the time drinking and smoking pot. I told Lewann she's always welcome here, we'll be right down the street from each other. It just feels good to have a friend that knows the situation and knows that I'm not blowing things out of proportion or trying to make them look in my favor. And I really like Lewann, I have since she started at Perkins. So maybe we'll stick to being friends. It'd be nice. However, near the end of our convo Dustin came in to pick up Christina and I knew it was my time to head out. I hate how uncomfortable I feel at work. I definitely can't wait to get out of there.

Tonight was a first for me: I went to a movie alone. Emalyn was having a Mary Kay thing here. She invited me to join but I got enough of Mary Kay my freshman year of college. EVERYONE was selling it, including my roommate, and the stuff just bugs me. I'll still to good ol' Cover Girl, thanks. Anyway, so after work I went to Oakdale. Originally I was going to see Finding Neverland so I could drool over Johnny Depp for an hour and 45 minutes. However, at the last second I changed my mind out of the blue and ended up at Cursed. Well... it was lame, lol. You're typical nowadays scary movie with corny lines. But there were a few okay parts and, let's face it, Christina Ricci is pretty hot. So while I didn't see the world's best movie, I did get to drool over Christina Ricci, hehe.

So I'm going to have TWO song lyrics in this entry. The first one is a Deanna Carter song. I was listening to her CD on my way back from Oakdale and found myself singing this one at the top of my lungs. Feels good to be able to see Dustin and feel nothing but annoyance towards him. I no longer feel my heart do little flips or anything sickening like that. Actually... he came in and all I really saw was a tall, scrawny, hairy boy. Unkempt, also. Ugh, I hate guys that can't take care of themselves. Maybe I'm weird but I want a guy that smells nice, looks put together... I want a man. Little boys walk around with stubble on their faces for a week and a half, little boys think it's cute to let their hair grow out and get unruly. Icky. When I touch you I want to feel skin, not oil. Icky.

Lol.

The lyrics I'm putting at the end of this entry is a favorite of mine by Vanessa Williams. It happened to get stuck in my head today as I was doing a bit of daydreaming. Maybe I'm being a little premature. I've been awfully daydreamy lately. All I seem to want these days is so be cuddled and kissed and touched. Like I said in my last entry, I'm still on guard. I just don't want to let go fully yet because I'm just not ready to. But I find myself slowly letting go of each layer. It makes me feel incredibly vulnerable. But... I don't usually let myself be that way. And maybe that's been part of my problem. ANYWAY! So there's this boy. Or man. No matter how old I still want to call them boys, lol. There is this MAN who just.... yeah. Butterflies in my tummy right now. I just want to be in bed with him all day, watching movies and cuddling and being silly. Maybe wrestling.... because it so turns me on when he throws me down, hehe.

Yeah.

Okay, it's almost one in the morning. Time to brush my teeth and head to bed, I have a day of catching up to do tomorrow! Goodnight!