I am so tired. It's only the second week of classes and I'm already so tired. When is spring break again? Definitely not soon enough.

Last night I just could not sleep. I was tired but I seem to be having trouble getting to sleep these days. Rich and I texted back and forth a little and next thing I knew I was waking up again... a little later. I texted him a few more times and fell asleep again. Then I woke up at 5, texted him, and he was shocked at my still being awake, hehe.

Classes are just hard. I have so much reading to do for heroic figure and then all this work to do for org. comm and I don't even know where to start. Organizational communication is a class that I know will teach me a lot... but there is so much to do and I am so unsure of where to start. We're supposed to be putting together a portfolio of everything we need to be successful in finding a job, such as a resume, a mission statement, etc. It's a very good idea but there is so much to do. Not to mention we also have to research a company that we may be interested in getting an internship with. Considering I have no idea what I want to do with my life... how do I choose that? Oooh it's stressful.

I have been doing a lot of thinking about my love life... or lack thereof. I'm so very tired of being played. And maybe I'm not even really getting played but going after men that are too confused. Dustin is a prime example. How could I ever want to be with someone that can't even make up his mind about whether or not he wants me? One minute he wants me in his arms, he wants to hang out, he's texting me and we're together all the time. The next I barely hear from him, when we do hang out I feel like he doesn't listen to me, like he can't wait to be away from me, like the idea of touching me, even to shake my hand or something, repulses him. Since the second time he screwed me over I forced myself to just stop thinking about him in that way. But then this past weekend came along. He said things to me that had me wondering if maybe he was starting to figure things out. However, when I confronted him yesterday he acted like I'd made up everything and practically called me a liar. I'm just done. No man is worth the frustration that he puts me through. If he's so confused he needs to keep his hands off and quit acting like I'm his girlfriend on his terms. The one good thing coming from this is that I am starting to figure out what I really want in a man. I want someone that can take care of himself and someone confident in the person that he is. I want someone clean, because I hate hanging out with a guy that doesn't look decent, whose personal space isn't tidy... it just bothers me. I want someone that I can identify with on a moral level as well as on an interest level. I want someone that I can have incredible sex with, someone whose arms feel right around me, someone that I feel perfectly comfortable with. I want someone that doesn't have a problem ever being straight with me, someone that doesn't feel like I overshadow them, someone that I can be myself around and they love all there is about me. Do I have someone like that in my life right now? I'm not completely sure. I'm a little confused. I'm doing a lot of thinking, a lot of studying, a lot of soul searching.

These things take time but the problem is that I am not a very patient person. I yearn to have someone's arms around me again. I keep having these daydreams in my head about this someone who I wish I could find a simple, peaceful relationship with. I worry that I will never settle down enough to let someone just love me.

Oh I am tired. No more thinking, my brain is killing me and it's only Tuesday.