I'm frustrated. There's this dude Andrew that has a thing for me. He's been pulling the whole, "Hey let's hang out" thing even though I know I haven't expressed any interest in him. And today he's all, "I should come over tonight and give you a massage." I just hate that, I hate feeling mean and saying "Look, I'm not interested." But it's really annoying. I know I shouldn't be annoyed but... I just am. I have little patience for most boys these days. I know this guy just wants to get in my pants. Go buy a girl on the corner. Bah.
Wow I sound like a complete bitch, lol.
You know when you just get comfortable in your life and the idea of anyone else coming in just doesn't appeal? That's how I feel right now. I don't want anyone else coming along right now because I'm just really, really happy. It's not that I hate people. It's not like I don't like making new friends. But I'm so comfortable and the idea of someone new coming along just doesn't appeal to me right now. I just kinda want my life to stay this way for awhile. Because I'm happy. And I like this happiness.
No more drama. I know I have a really good habit of making drama. I think it comes from my high school ideas... if there isn't something psychotic going on then life just isn't interesting. Maybe I watch too many soap operas or read too many books. Even watch too much TV or too many movies. All these things put into your head that something has to be going on at all times. Life really isn't like that, though. You have those days... sometimes those weeks or months or maybe even years where time just ticks by and nothing really happens. And that isn't always a bad thing. But it's taken me kind of a long time to learn that. It's taken me 21 years to find out that sometimes just having friendships, love... living life.... sometimes it's just there. Starting fights, causing drama, always running around looking for trouble is a one ticket ride to making your life miserable. It's okay to just be. I wish I knew why it's taken me so long to figure it out. But that's all I want now. I want to go to classes, study, go to work... I want to go out with my friends... or even just stay in. I want to be in love and have it be okay that we can spend months together and have there just be no drama. That's the way life should be. I just want to be settled and calm. I want to enjoy myself.
My job certainly does not help me do that although there are nights like tonight in which I'm kinda happy I found Perkins. Dustin, as usual, managed to tick me off by taking smoke breaks and not telling me, leaving me alone up front and wondering where he is. Dustin is a great example of someone being pressured by peers. The smoking habit he's picking up is really gross and, seriously, if he's going to go smoke so much then I think I should get paid both his salary and mine, since I seem to be doing both his job and my own. It's only fair, right? Anyway... that's not why I loved work tonight, lol. In one word: Hilary. Hilary... I don't know. When I first started working at Perkins I was really put off by her. She can be bossy and rude, a total know it all as well as a complete money hungry material girl. However, she and I have come to terms and I pretty much like her now. Tonight, though, I swear to God she was like a cat in heat. She seriously should have just started yowling. She's walking around being total vulgar and flirting with all of us, guys and girls alike, married or single. It was pretty amusing... I swear to God she smacks my ass more than Rich does (if that's possible) and she was rubbing up on everyone. We were all totally playing along, too, so it was just kind of hysterical.
Tonight I'm just sitting around. I had my last pizza for awhile. Tomorrow I'm starting myself on a diet because I'm tired of my clothes not fitting and I want to not have a big ol' tummy this summer so I can wear my cute swimsuits. So today was my last junkfood day and I treated myself to pizza and a movie,
The Forgotten. The movie was pretty good although they kinda didn't explain who "they" were. You'll understand if you've seen the movie. If not, see it. It was pretty good otherwise. Anyway... as for my diet. I'm pretty much just going to try to eat better, drink lots of water, and start exercising. I'm probably going to give myself one day to slack a little but other than that I need to cut back. I'm not looking to lose a ton of weight and I need to do this for health reasons too. Plus my face is getting gross lately, breaking out, and I have a feeling it had something to do with all the crap I eat. So it's time to kick my ass into gear.
Grandma and Grandpa, who greatly spoil me, sent me $50 for Valentine's Day. I suppose that'll be my only "present" and I'm pretty grateful that someone loves me, lol. I'm being bitter, I know. I'm not even looking for gifts, don't get me wrong. I'm just being sad that so many people around me have people to spend the day with and I don't. Like I keep saying, I just want to be cuddled. Can't help myself, I think I'm a cuddle whore. I just like to be stroked and petted and touched and all that fun stuff. Of course, it helps if it's with someone you actually care about. I'm tired of just being with whoever for the hell of it. That's just silly.
At work lately we've been talking about people who are "high maintenance." These are the different kinds of "high maintenance" people there are:
People who date others that will pay for them (food, movies, buying them things, etc)
People who spend 24/7 in front of the mirror
People that want lots of affection
And any mixture of the three. It's been decided that I'm a mixture of the last two. I don't really care if anyone buys me anything. I can buy myself things and I hate dating someone who's contantly paying for everything. I feel like they're trying to buy my love. However, I tend to be fairly vain and I take forever to get myself ready. Then I have to check myself in the mirror whenever possible and I'm constantly changing my clothes. Oh it's so sad. Plus... I love affection. I love to be hugged and kissed and cuddled and touched in any way. It doesn't even have to be sexual, I love getting hugs from my friends or held by my friends. I just love phsyical affection as well as emotional affection. I'm sure it's why I spend so much time trying to talk to everyone about "feelings" and worrying that everything is really okay. Bah.
Okay... I have spent this entry semi rambling. I'm really tired. Time to cuddle up, BY MYSELF, and go to sleep. More soon!
