Drama at work, first off. However... I kinda don't even care. Until I find a new job I've pretty much decided I'm at Perkins to make money, not to gossip or listen to gossip, not to get involved in drama. Especially when the drama involves me being left alone during dinner rush. Hmm.

Classes today were exhausting. I have 5 hours of class. My first class, The Heroic Figure in Literature, seems interesting although there will be A LOT of reading (I have to read half the Iliad by Thursday, eep). Problem is, half the reading I've already read, such as The Gret Gatsby and Barn Burning (UGH THE WORST STORY EVER). But the prof seems pretty cool so I'm sure it'll be a good class. Organizational Communication, my only 300 level this semester, is going to be A TON of work. I'm... really nervous. Like Mark Comm last semester I don't feel like I'm totally in my element yet. However, I did pass Mark Comm with a pretty decent grade so I'm sure that once we talk about the projects in more detail I'll feel a little better. And statistics. What can I say? The prof is Asian and his accent is SO THICK he's hard to understand. He seems like a really nice guy, though, and he gives good notes. I'm thinking that I'm just feeling overwhelmed right now, especially after yesterday being so easy. I'm going to try very hard to stick to my "stay positive" attitude and just take it one day at a time. I am going to try SO HARD to stick to my resolution to not skip classes unless I'm dying (and, like I told Randy and Dustin last night, even when I'm dying I may just go). Again, that's kind of a one day at a time type thing. But... even in YIG there were things I didn't want to do, like the first time I presented a bill to a committee. But you never get to do the fun stuff if you don't work for it first. So here I am, working my ass off. The cool thing about Org Comm is that the prof is going to help us figure out where we may possibly want to intern at, which is AWESOME. I have no idea at all where I want to go so this will be such a huge help. All I know is that I want to do PR. So... hopefully this semester will send me on my way towards moving on from the limbo I'm in right now. I definitely don't want to stay at Perkins forever, especially not RF Perkins. This class, hopefully, will be just what I need to jump start ME a little bit.

I went out to see Rich last night. We met up at Caribou. God I have not been that nervous in a really, really long time. Butterflies and heart in my throat and wanting to fiddle with everything. I kept having this image of him telling me to fuck off, right in front of everyone, and walking out. He kind of had a right to. Hell... part of me kind of even wondered what I was doing there. But Another resolution of mine is to make peace. I would LOVE to have Rich back in my life, truly I really would. And I hope he really listened to what I had to say and I hope maybe he can give us a chance to... I'm not even sure. Truthfully, I don't even know what I want out of us getting together last night. But... I do miss him. I don't miss the fighting or the waiting for him to call or the wondering what the hell is up with us. The on/off whatever it is we were always doing. But wow is it hard to lose someone that you have counted on time and time again. I know maybe some people will be mad at me for wanting to see what happens. But I never, ever want to be one of those people that looks back and wonders "what if?" I just know that seeing Rich last night gave me some kind of hope. I know it takes more than one night. But a little over two years ago I had things pretty perfect. And since then I've worked pretty hard to fuck up some of my best relationships. So now I know I need to work doubly hard to get those back. And just like my goals to go to EVERY SINGLE CLASS and to make no lower than a B this semester, I want to at least say I tried to get back the people I was once closest to.

Rich is right, I don't trust him. And... to tell the truth, I think I'd like to push him away because he knows me too well. That's a powerful thing. He looks at me and it's as if he can see straight through to my soul and that's more than a little "freaky."

I am still going over in my head the events of last night. And I think I will call him when I'm ready to talk more. Maybe that will be tomorrow. Maybe that will be in a month or more. But whenever it is, hopefully he will pick up and want to get together again.

La de da. Have I mentioned I have an awesome new roomie? I definitely do... I came home today, exhausted from classes, to find her total cleaning the tub and putting a new shower curtain up. We're going to try for some hang out time this weekend, which I'm excited for because Tiff and I were strictly just roommates, we never really hung out.

Life is coming together. My whole "plot" to live a YIG Life seems to be going well. I feel more positive than I have in awhile, I feel like I have more of a purpose.

I would continue but it's time for a Shopko run, then for me to cuddle up in bed and start The Iliad. More soon!