What is it about liking someone that makes you act like a complete idiot?

For me, I end up trying far too hard, acting like a totally emotional idiot and most likely making a fool of myself. I don't think I really actually learned how to just tell someone I like them, have them say they like me back... and have that be that. I either like guys that only date younger women (and in those cases I always happen to be a few months older than them), or I like ex-boyfriends, who chalk me up as being someone that I'm normally not (except around them I turn into a completely psycho), or going for someone that just wants to be my bud (and then I end up ruining the friendship and feeling miserable because I'm out a guy that could have made the best boyfriend). What the hell?

Maybe I'm the only one that acts silly like this. I don't mean to. I start out saying, "Okay Krysten, keep the self disclosure to a minimum." But what if you just feel comfortable with someone? Or what if you already know that someone? What if you're finally ready to come clean with that someone, only to be told that it really doesn't matter? Because you, Krysten, are an overdramatic, emotional, psychotic little girl who definitely does not stand up against girls even your own age, let alone the ones that are older.

Hello, my name is Krysten and I am overdramatic and overly emotional.

What can I say? It's not like I don't admit it, I totally do. I don't mean to be that way and it has nothing to do with how many years I've been away from high school. I think maybe the reason I am the way I am has to do with my idea of relationships. While I don't claim to be much of a novelist I have created a few stories in my day and they generally have to do with the girl falling for the boy and everything being really dramatic to build up to the happy ending. I guess I never let go of the expectation that life is like that. But life is definitely not like that. However, when I am in love with someone I have a hard time remembering that. If things are just good and calm then something must be wrong because how can things ever just be good and calm? Something must be wrong.

Is this some kind of psychological problem? I doubt it. Really I think I should have probably not grown up reading the books I read. I wouldn't have such odd expectations of my relationships.

I hate to say that I regret things. I didn't want to have the kind of life in which I'd regret things. But I honestly have to say I regret the expectations I've had. Because they've severely screwed me up.

Damn right I'm sorry. Too bad that honestly probably won't save me now.