Okay... I just woke up. It's 10 and I should be up by now anyway. And I have actually been up for awhile, enjoying the warmth and niceness of cuddling in my bed on a day when all I have to do is go shopping (such a hard life I lead). However, it's really rude to have people in your apartment making a bunch of noise when you're in your room sleeping, no matter what time it is. I understand Tiff is doing me a favor and moving her stuff out (thank God because our sitting area has been driving me CRAZY since it looks like a used furniture store) but do she and her brother and her brother's wife need to be so loud? When I have anyone here, if Tiff is home and especially if I know she's sleeping, I try really hard to make sure my company and myself are quiet. Is that really too much to ask?

Yesterday was a good day. I got my room nice and clean, which made me feel better, and got all the dishes done, which makes me feel better because I hate our apartment being a mess. I went to my marketing final and felt dumb for mixing up the difference between PR and publicity (especially since I want to go into PR and should know what it is) but otherwise it seemed okay. I came home and sat around for awhile, ate some food. At around 7 Emalyn arrived and we headed over the the Leonard's, our landlords, to give them our signed leases and security deposits. Emalyn was a lot more talkative this time so I don't think I'll have to worry about living with someone that's super shy. The meeting didn't last too long so I ran back to watch The Apprentice (super pissed off at The Donald, you picked the wrong person). Then I went to Dustin's.

Okay... I got an e-mail yesterday that really shook me up. I won't go into it at the moment because I'm still feeling pretty unsure. But I just feel really weird. I called Amber when I first received it to discuss it a little and when I went to Dustin' s I talked it over with him too. Dustin. being the total guy that he is, did not at all understand why I let the e-mail shake me up and told me to forget about it. But.... something won't let me.

Today I give myself permission to... practice compassion.

What does this mean to me? I guess I'm going to apply it to my e-mail yesterday. My first response was "Screw that, I don't trust you and I don't even like you." I read that e-mail A LOT before even calling anyone. I felt really angry, like, "Where do you get the gall?" But after going over it I have to say that my heart melted a little. How would I like it if I had sent an e-mail like that and that person just went off on me? Actually... I have had that. I got that in so many different ways with Rich.

It sucks to have someone not understand you, to want to be kind and to be pushed away. I've been there. This person and I used to be friends and right now I'm trying really hard to be a better person. I sent this person an e-mail back and I'm pretty sure it wasn't the nicest e-mail in the world although I don't think it sounded like a bitch e-mail either.

Would I like to see this person again? I've been tossing that around in my head all night. I think so. I think I would. I don't like feeling as if things are not settled and I don't like knowing that I can so much dislike someone that I used to love. However, I'm really tired of people making me out to feel like the bad guy. I know I made a lot of mistakes. And now I'm trying to fix them. But as Amber said last night, it takes two.

Okay.. time for a shower because I have to go buy Malibu for Ali and then Leah and I are Christmas shopping.

Happy Christmukkah all!!!